merry x'mas babies :)
01:08 a.m.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
merry x'mas and a happy new year. i doubt my new year would be happy but what the hell. lots of complaining to do, what, on a merry x'mas night. it's anything but merry. oh, first, happy belated birthday evelyn my dear. you're such a sweetie pie and you can always call me swine. i'm stuck with it already!:) hope ym's feeling better ... qinfen going on a date tomorrow? and bernice, i'm real envious of you hahah. uhm ... zeming i'm sorry i got a bitchy mum and terese+michael have a great trip in thailand. to the rest i'm gonna miss you when i leave for the states and see ya before the guys enter NS!!!
it's like ... woooshh. time really flies huh. i thought i was just in year1 that day. this x'mas has been pretty happy (except for *(%*%$!!!!!) since it didn't mean the start of school and more mugging. it just meant a step closer to freedom and ... gee, why not?=P
1. i promised not to swear this x'mas. but i did. cuz i really couldn't control myself lol.
2. all i want for x'mas is more freedom. i bet many of you out there are dying for this but the person holding on to my bliss isn't letting go. darn.
3. my new year resolution is to be resolute and not to be swayed by external factors eg mummy+threats. they're quite a lethal combination and if you know me well you'll realise i'm scared shitless by them. haha.
4. i wouldn't be nice to people who aren't nice to me and i wouldn't buy stuff unnecessarily for people who aren't worthy of them.
5. spend baby, spend! - self-explanatary:)
* remind me if you realise in the next year that i'm not practising what i preach. hahah.
received only a few x'mas cards this year. but they really mean alot to me, at least they seem more personalised than those i've gotten over the years. thanks darlings, you guys rock and i love you!:) oh, and lester was real nice in coming all the way down just to pass me that book. thanks korkor, u're a real sweetie. i feel so blessed. my pals are great!:)
gonna leave for the states in ... well, 33 hours. feeling a tad apprehensive. it seems pretty unstable there. like, the flu virus, sniping in columbus, terrorism (esp over the new year) and earthquake. what the hell man. what's wrong this time. sighs. hope to have a great trip. oh shucks, what slutty clothes can i get when mum, dad and korkor are around. gee. i hope they wouldn't make me wear a tudung man. lol. gonna miss me babies?:) i'll try to get something nice back for each and every of you. well, if i can. haha, or i get you snapshots of the cabaret in vegas or something. PLACE YOUR ORDERS NOW!!!
think i gotta end here. though the sole purpose of my blogging was to bitch about some person. think i digressed too much and got pretty happy. yay 2004. noone's gonna ground me. noone's gonna control me! yay! i'll just find a job:) and ... pray i get into medicine. how about that. haha. take care in the meantime.
12:23 p.m.
Friday, December 12, 2003
was just thinking ... if i can't even be bothered about my blog, nobody will. anyway, i'm gonna change my layout soon enough once i get the lazy worms out of me.
what's the point of having a blog when you've to watch what you say and how you think for fear of pissing someone off or sorts? i thought of thrashing my blog ... i thought of getting a new one so noone would ever see it. but i was too lazy? i just feel it's pretty silly to express your thoughts somewhere public, and giving everyone a piece of your world. what the hell. i may talk alot, but i could very well be an introvert. who in the world knows.
the past week has been a whirlwind of activities. then again, it wasn't that fun. just doing repeated things of walking, shopping, eating and stoning. and it would rain without fail no matter where i was. what's with the clouds? and we'd be inevitably stranded somewhere, huddling in the cold and dying to get out of that hell hole. it seems that my friends have disappeared. terese doesn't reply to smses, which i don't know why. qi is busy with church stuff, sarah is missing. perhaps we don't have a habit of sms-ing, that's why. and yadayada. oh, but i know ian and jx are busy clubbing. OH SHIT THEY ENTICED ME TO GO DOUBLE O LAST NIGHT AND COS' OF MY FREAKING MUM I DIDN'T! NOW I FREAKING REGRET COS' MY MUM'S A BITCH AND SHE DESERVES NO LOVE FROM ME. back to my mummy later, will ya? i wanna go zouk next wednesday. i wanna parrttteee!!!:)
and anyway, that bitch doesn't wanna let me out or do anything with me so be it. i've been nice by general standards and if she's still unhappy, i don't care. i just don't like being accused of petty things. it wasn't my fault that it had to rain so heavily from 4.30pm in town yesterday and the rain didn't stop even till 9 and we had to dash across the road under a lousy umbrella. it wasn't my fault that rain was falling in buckets in town whereas the rain had stopped in hougang. what the fuck, clouds can fly, and singapore isn't that small that a cloud can cover the entire place. that bitch'o'maniac didn't have to accuse me of making up the rain so i could go home late. if i really wanted to i could have said the entire stretch of orchard road flooded and i needed to go M.S for shelter. what the fuck. i'm definitely more matured than that, bitch. i hate her. i had the heart to even get a nice donut after getting scolded. and hurray, she refused to eat em. fine, so be it, i shall eat that. so why did you gobble MINE early in the morning while i was still in bed? you didn't have to eat MY donut, i never forced you to do so. petty, hypocritical, greedy bitch. your daughter's never an angel so stop thinking she'll become the geekish nerd who hates going out. what the hell, who in the freaking world would wanna stay home and look at your ugly face. never a good word comes out of your mouth. at least you don't swear, but still it doesn't redeem you from all the wrong you've done to me. my SAT's in more than a month and you want me to mug for it now? no way. i haven't been out since the start of the year and i'm not giving up my freedom for your sadistic desires. you should have known better. i'd not study even if u chain me to my study table and force me to do so. i can give you the worse grades and seriously, i'm not the least bothered. i don't give a damn, naturally, not about you. so stop thinking i'd actually feel guilty about the looming cold war and oblivion. i'm enjoying every minute of the silence bitch. i'm loving it. screw off. i hate you. i'm never gonna buy anything for you. i'll never care!
prom + chinablack
10:06 p.m.
Friday, December 5, 2003
prom ... sucked? i gather the preparations for prom were much better than the event itself. it was just a reason to pamper ourselves and engage in indulgence, while experiencing the high life (of a tai-tai, for some). for me, i felt really good being the total cheapo, spending nuts for my budget prom hehe. i'm feeling real smart!:)
i got so tired of taking photos someway through the event and kept seeing flashes of white light. oh no, and it's not nirvana. anyway, some lousy memory card i've got that can only store 60 odd low quality pictures. what the hell right. so zeming had to source for one but it cost way too much so i decided to give up. there. it pissed me off. the silly shoes hurt so much i walked bare-footed to ritz. the food sucked and the entertainment wasn't entertaining. the lucky draw was miserable and i couldn't wait to leave!!:)
chinablack was fine ... though i felt a lil' too high and didn't exactly know what i was doing. it'd have been better if i actually knew how to dance instead of prancing around like a mad monkey. or, what about an animal in heat? but hey, it wasn't as bad as the others yeah? their sliming was baddddddd. there were actually people licking each other. and they were actually ugggllllyyyyy. okay, so im pretty mean to say they don't look good. it's just their figure. i don't know why im so figure-conscious nowadays. freaky. i felt pretty guilty actually ... over the excessive pda and stuff. but it was a great experience and i wouldn't mind going clubbing again. though not on a regular basis ... i hope? but eminem was great stuff and the r&b was woohoo!!! beautiful!:) i wouldn't mind going again ... if any of you reading this. ask me along the next time okay?:) but give me time to let my legs rest lol.
injuries sustained : 8 blisters, 5 burst, 2 pus oozing. 1 toe swollen, 1 toe numb.
06:08 p.m.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
and how i repeatedly told myself to change my layout but never got to do so ...
As were bad. it was totally ... horrendous. all of a sudden i just felt i wasted 2 years of my life preparing for some exams that i wouldn't do well for. oh gee, real depressed man.
had math s and chem 3 today. haha, what shall i say about math s? i could only START doing 3 out of like, 8 questions. i swore the marks i gained could be counted with one hand haha. but it was so freakin' tedious all i could say during the paper was to tell myself to fuck it. haha, what an apt use of words. i was so tired after the math s to actually stop mugging for chem. well, i didn't exactly start so to speak so i guess the outcome's predictable. it's just ... so demoralising. i used to think i could do it but i don't seem to be able anymore. sad huh, i don't know what's happening to me. i shall just abandon the thought of entering medicine and join my bro instead. oh, but do they want me?
i just can't stand it when people cry for nothing and kp about the wierdest things in life. or whine over some lost marks when i grieve over the gain of a few marks. so there. lousy assholes out there. burn!!!
06:04 p.m.
Thursday, October 2, 2003
It's NOT sinful to fail my Math S. It's meant to be failed. I do not have to brace myself for anything... it's nothing bad. And I wouldn't feel bad if you ever did better than me cos' I don't care.
06:29 p.m.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Change of plans.
I'm so darned sure I don't wanna be a doctor no more.
The thought of mugging consistently for something dry is such a turn off. Haha, and of course. (I'm keeping mum about this lol.)
I hate this.
phesiks sucks.
11:58 a.m.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
I can so very determine my fate. I'm going to screw up my prelims big time. My fears were confirmed by the f***ed up piece of shit physics paper. It wasn't my fault that I'd a mental block, then again, it was my fault. Why hadn't I studied for it? I conveniently took it that I could remember everything. Why am I so screwed? Ugh, I wish I'd studied. More underlying reasons.
It's pouring now. Rain is falling in sheets. The main road is flooded. Haha quite fun actually. My void deck is flooded. The wind was so strong I couldn't gain a firm footing. I thought I was going to be blown off. And the water level is rising by the minute OUTSIDE my house. Goodness, will they flood me as well? Might as well. Phesiks sucks. UGHHHHH FLUIDS! Why am I always reminded of that damn subject:(
I'm so sure I'm gonna fail.
And guess what? Mummy's not gonna let me out after my prelims. WTF? Not after TRYING to slog hard to save my ass through the holidays? Not for the late nights I kept that resulted in this damn flu? Not the the least of the efforts I put in? NO MOVIE, ONLY OUT FOR A MEAL. But she said it'd take 5 or 6 hours. So be it. I shall be out for 6 hours. And I'll do whatever I want. WTF she's totally oblivious to the traumas students face today. (Or least what I face as a student.) It's traumatising enough to be under the same roof as her...
So be it. If I can't gain my freedom on weekends I shall go out during the week. Perhaps not with ZM then. I don't know. WTF why is everyone out to get me. Badbadbad.:(
And it's more biotech to come. I wished I got blown away or something. Somebody save me. I wanna die. I'm so convinced my doctor dream wouldn't materialise. Just wake me up from this fantasy will you. Even that lactating cow said so. I mean, she's a bitch. But she's a teacher afterall. And maybe I can't be a doctor. Can you imagine a doctor hurling vulgarities at patients who are late for for appointments?
I don't wanna go overseas. Just dump me here and leave me to rot and die. Maybe it's better off without expectations. And no aims. Sighx.
I'm watching you ...
08:35 p.m.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Back from walkies!:) Mummy is a real joy, though she nags a tad too much. I discovered this similarity in thinking. Think she really had a part in my upbringing. I think she's too cynical though. It's sad being cynical. Life's great ... uh, to a certain extent.
AND I KNOW WHO HAS BEEN READING MY BLOG HAHA. It's kinda freaky, having people who don't know you reading all about your life and stuff. But hey, I've been doing the same as well!:)
Math tomorrow. God save me. Let you on a lil secret. I DIDN'T READ MY NOTES! So I shall look left and right tomorrow... And viola! Hope I get my answer. Unbelievable. I'm amazingly happy about this. Gee.
I think my hair sucks. For while I really convinced myself I'd nice hair after rebonding it. Guess I need another bout of self-convincing to do. With a high price to pay. Mummy's not sponsoring. I shall do it myself. For the sake of whatsoever beauty I possess. Hmm...
I better buck up on my grammar. It has reached appalling standards. I will not let it get in my way. Aerghh...
Grouses, grouses and MORE grouses. I'm turning 18 soon. Haha, to be a legal pornstar!:) But apparently I can only star in one but not old enough to watch myself. Seriously 18 is no big deal. I'm not making a fuss out of it. Just the thought of getting older and aging. NONONO I don't want wrinkles. Sigh. I wanna celebrate the lil' school holidays again. I'll never celebrate them again can you believe it?!!! Sigh. Sad case man. I wished I'd never grow.
Farhana's online. Been a long time. I forgot all about her oopx. But she said she missed me. YEAH RIGHT. But I kinda miss Ian though. Been missing in action since he got a girlfriend 8 months ago. So this adds yet another statistic that people tend to forget their good friends when they get hitched. Am I right to say this Terese?=P
MUGMUGMUG. TIME TO MUGMUGMUG. PLEASE POST ALL YOUR GOODWIL WISHES ON THE TAG. THANK YOU!:)